A Girl on Track
I am blessed to be involved with a life-changing organization. Girls on the Run© is an empowerment program for girls in 3rd through 8th grade. Its purpose is to show girls that they don’t have to conform to the stereotypes society would impose upon them. They don’t have to give in to pressure—from family, their peers, society. They can choose to be themselves, they can choose to be strong.
They can choose.
You would think by the name that this is a running program. It’s not. Our mission has a much greater scope than to teach girls how to run. They’re kids. They already know how, even if they don’t yet know it, even if they choose not to.
But running, as runners know, is a great tool. Once you learn that you can do it—that you can reach what seem like impossible goals and that your body can do remarkable things—you learn that you can do anything.
You develop confidence. A healthy respect for your body.
I have been blessed to see this becoming (I sometimes don’t really know what else to call it) in many girls, and I have seen the struggle to become in many others. The becoming is beautiful. The struggle is agonizing. I have been watching it in one particular girl this season.
“Eloise” was one of mine 3 seasons ago, when I was her coach in Girls on Track, the program for 6th through 8th graders. You can see in her eyes that she has greatness in her. She is smart, creative, strong. And you can see in the twist of her lips and the tilt of her head the pull from her peers to be something she is not. Dumb. Aloof. Too cool to participate, especially when the boys hang around.
Her coaches this season tell me of the ongoing battle of wills between them and her. She skips the lessons, ignores the coaches, smirks defiantly. They tell her that they want her there but, as with most things, it is her choice to participate or not. Sometimes she chooses not.
But a curious girl, this Eloise. For all her defiance and playing at aloofness, for all her hiding out behind playground equipment and around corners, she keeps showing up. This is, in fact, her third season. And more than anything else she chooses to do or not do, she chooses to run.
Our season ends with a 5K race. The girls train for it during their 10 to 12 weeks of learning to be ok with themselves, and, we hope, learning that they are an important and irreplaceable piece in the puzzle of the world. Many of them do not believe when the season begins that they have it in them to run that far. All of them who come, finish.
In December, Eloise showed up to our 5K race. To get to the starting line, I recently discovered, she walked, alone, 2.42 miles, from her home. I know this, because when I found out, I mapped it.
Our spring season 5K is on Saturday, April 21. The battle of wills between Eloise and her coaches wages on. I think, however, that running will win, and Eloise will be there again. I believe that running gives her a glimmer of her potential. I’ve seen her face when she runs. All the tension disappears and is replaced with determination, joy.
I don’t know for sure if this is how she feels, but if she shows up, I will ask her. I want her to know, again, that she’s on the right track.
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 3 so far )Ask and You Shall Receive
The other day I walked into a conversation that seemed to be about the adage “you have not because you ask not.” The gist of the conversation was this. Most of us don’t ask for help when we need it because we have all kinds of (wrong) ideas about what it means to need help. In refusing to ask for help, we not only hurt ourselves, but we also hurt our potential helpers.
Many things keep us from asking for help. Pride (I already know what the answer is). Fear (If they only knew, they would reject me). Our perceived inadequacies (If they find out I don’t know, they’ll think I’m a fraud). Inconvenience to others (I don’t want them to go out of their way just for me). We don’t want to be selfish, a taker.
Many of us were taught as kids that to ask for too much was simply too much. How many times did we hear an adult say stop pestering me or ask me again and you’ll get nothing? Socialization (family, education, geography, gender) taught us that we should be quietly content with what we have. Or that only brown noses, weaklings, etc. ask for help. The rest of us do it ourselves.
Did I mention that the ideas we have about asking for help are likely wrong? In addition to hurting ourselves when we don’t ask for help, we hurt others by depriving them of the opportunity to give. To help others is part of our basic humanity. It’s how we find common ground. It’s how we connect.
It took a couple of days for me to fully process this conversation. I thought of all the hundreds of times I have not asked for help when I needed it, and, as a result, all the harm I’ve caused myself. I thought too about all the times I’ve offered my help and been rejected, and how it gave me a bit of a hollow feeling inside, even if the offer was as simple as carrying a heavy load for a complete stranger.
Inevitably, I thought about running. How many times have I wondered why other runners train or eat a certain way. Where they learned a particular technique. How they do what they do. But I haven’t asked. Even when I’ve been in physical pain and their knowledge could have helped me.
Why? Since hearing this conversation, I can’t think of one good reason.
What do you do when you need help?
Read Full Post | Make a Comment ( 5 so far )It’s About Time
I stopped wearing a watch nearly four years ago when I started working from home. There was no reason to wear one anymore, since my house had a clock visible from nearly every room and I spent much of my time in front of a computer anyway. Funny thing, time. It seems to change when you feel like you own it.
It made me think a lot about what my attitude toward time had been, particularly how much time I wasted because of the mindset I had adopted. I often thought of Henry Thoreau saying, “As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.” I had been injuring eternity all right, by doing a lot of nothing, or by doing the same thing. Stagnating, which is what happens when we feel like we’re moving backward or standing still.
I had experienced the feeling of time standing still when I moved in the dead of winter from Chicago to Guam, a tropical island near the foot of the Mariana Trench. In Guam, it’s always the same temperature and flowers are always in bloom. The seasons never change. Sound like paradise? Maybe. Until you realize that months and then years have passed with each day essentially the same.
I realized then the importance of seasons in triggering change—not only the obvious, outward changes like leaves first budding then browning, but the change that begins within, with us. When we stand still we stagnate. We do the same thing, repeatedly follow the same routine until it becomes thoughtless habit, like brushing our teeth. We get in a rut without realizing it, and before we know it, we are standing still. It’s as if time has stopped.
This can happen with running, or any other form of exercise. If you do the same thing again and again, your body stops responding to what you’re doing with your time, and you get nowhere. Fast. Has your pace stalled at the x-minute mile? Are you running the same number of miles a week you always have been, but suddenly seeing dimples show up on your thighs instead of your smile? It’s time, then, to do something different. It’s time to own the time you put into your workout.
It’s critical to change your routine, even if the change is as simple as taking a new route on your run or adding extra weight or reps to your workout. Your body will respond positively and thank you for it.
It’s almost spring—isn’t it about time for that change?
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